Food Issues

Image from here!
I have always struggled with weight always. I went through a period in high school where I worked out compulsively every morning in our garage and ate one meal a day. I gained the Freshman 15(maybe more like 40), hid my body in men's clothes and smiled like it didn't bother me. I gained even more after graduating and working my first real job with time and money to eat lunch out and go out for dinner and drinks with friends. All though that time I worked out, I lifted, I did cardio, I even hired and worked out with a trainer. But I never dealt with my food issues.

After I picked up and moved to Denver, I just decided enough was enough and went to Weight Watchers. After weighing in at a shocking 230 pounds, I started the program. I eventually lost 60 pounds and kept it off. I went through periods where I gained a little more than I would like, and I would renew my commitment to counting points and the weight would come off. I always knew when this happened that there was something else behind the eating, some feelings I wasn't dealing with--stress and unhappiness at my job, moving to a new town after getting married, something that had I really talked about and addressed instead of eating my way through it wouldn't have resulted in a gain at all.

So after having a baby, one of my biggest concerns was my weight. After 8 months, 3 really where I focused on my eating and working out, I was back to my prepregnancy healthy weight. Until today. I have studiously avoided my scale for 3 weeks. I have been feeling down in the dumps and have been eating my way through these feelings--a handful of chocolate chips here, a handful of pretzels there, way too many meals out, a morning mocha latte, a sundae at the end of the day, birthday celebrations that I rationalized having multiple treats at. And so today I stepped on the scale.

I have gained 5 pounds back. 5 pounds that I fought for, skipped dessert for, did extra cardio for, got up at 4:30 to go to the gym before work for. I know its not much and my friends would tell you they can't tell but I can. It represents sadness and stress and a belief that I wasn't worth fighting for.

So today I start anew...