Monday, September 26, 2011

deep musings at 3 am

Let me set the scene...3:45 am and a piercing cry rings out through our slumber filled quiet apartment. The type of cry that sets adrenaline and cortisol racing through my bloodstream as I stumble around trying not to wake my husband and trying to find the orajel and the baby motrin and the dropper thingee all the while that scream keeps ringing out. The scream that tells me Elle needs me desperately and is not going to soothe herself back to sleep as she normally would. So we take up residence on the glider--blanket, orajel, and a bottle in hand. In the dark we rock, trying to calm down. I think to myself wow babies are heavy--physically and emotionally. As Elle digs her face into my collarbone, trying to find that perfect comfort place, as I try to balance her on one arm and get comfortable enough to sleep on a rocker, she is heavy physically. As I feel her relax back to sleep but instantly tense if I make any move, she is heavy emotionally. I want so desperately to go back to sleep, as I watch the minutes tick closer to the point where sleep will be meaningless as my ridiculously early alarm will be going off; I think who am I to deny her this comfort of being cuddled and rocked. Should I put her back in her crib when she obviously will cry for awhile so I can try to sleep for 40 minutes more or do I stay on the rocker for awhile giving my baby the comfort she is seeking? It is a lot to handle emotionally, especially at 4 in the morning.

1 comment:

Megan said...

too true, too true.