What a Difference a Year Makes

To my beautiful daughter Elle,
A year ago I couldn't wait to hear your cry(it made me cry tears of joy), now I can't wait for your laughter(it makes me smile).
A year ago I couldn't wait to see your face, now I still can't wait to see your face!
A year ago I couldn't wait to cuddle you, now I can't wait for you to settle down to cuddle again!

In the past year, I wondered if I would ever get a full nights sleep again, now I love waking up(in the morning after several hours of sleep) to see what today will bring for us.
In the past year, I wondered if I could be a good mommy, now I try to accept the doubt and make our own way with everything.
In the past year, I have wondered and worried about every milestone, now I try to remember that you are your own person and are doing it your way.

I always knew I wanted to be a mom, I never knew it would be so amazing.
I always knew I wanted a family, I never knew it would be so full of love.
I always knew it would be hard, I never knew how hard.(BUT SO WORTH IT!!)

I love you with all my heart and beyond, Elle Belle!

What I have learned about being a mom

It is Elle's Birthday week so I have a lot of fun and sentimental posts planned.

One year ago today I was trying to rest and relax in preparation for Elle to arrive but we moved into a new apartment the week before so there was so much to do.

Which is the first thing I learned--moving the weeks before your baby arrives is not ideal but I am glad we didn't wait because I imagine moving with a newborn would be worse.

2. I was not able to really decorate the nursery of my dreams(and in fact most of the crafts and decorations I made are still not hung) but the reality is we don't spend much time in her room at all. She sleeps in there and we change her and get her dressed. It isn't big enough to have a rocker in there so I am glad we didn't really spend a lot of money or time in that room. As she gets older, I think she will appreciate a decorated room a lot more.

3. I am a working, formula feeding, disposable diaper using mom. And proud of my choices because they are right for my family. But as a mom it seems every choice you make opens you up to a lot of criticism and side looks when other moms don't agree. You will answer a million questions about your baby and what they are doing and not doing and how much they weigh. And if you are a mom, you know what I mean and will get a chuckle out of this video...


4. Baby advice books are 100% right and 100% wrong depending on your kiddo and you and your family. The only 1 I used was The Happiest Baby on the Block. In the end, you decide what works for you and what doesn't. So look at a bunch but don't feel bad if it doesn't work or don't agree.

5. Your life will change but it is a good change. We do a lot of the same things we used to do prebaby we just do them with Elle and with a lot more equipment. I think our ability to eat out in restaurants may be ending as she is now mobile and not a fan of staying in the high chair. We have traveled in the car and flown several times. We have hiked. That being said I do miss being able to read on the plane or airport and going to the movies.

6. Your marriage/relationship will change. In good ways, but it is an adjustment and you have to make your marriage a priority too. It is easy to get lost when you are so focused on taking care of a baby and suffering from lack of sleep. Days when you just hope for a shower mean romance is on the back burner, but you have to be there as a spouse not just a parent.

7. Having a baby can be isolating. I spend a lot of time in my apartment with her, especially in the beginning but even now when it is 100 degrees and a park play date is just not going to happen. You have to ask for help; you will be amazed at what people will do for you--cook, clean, hold the baby so you can shower or sleep, babysit so you can get a pedicure, let you cry and tell you it will be alright.

8. Baby stuff takes over your house. Elle doesn't even have that many toys but our apartment looks like 1 big toystore/playground. And some days the most interesting toys are tags and empty boxes.

9. You will get excited and cheer some pretty unusual things; swallowing food, poopy diapers, sitting up, "words" they say, taking a nap.

10. You can't imagine how much you will love being a mom.

A Legacy

So yesterday was a tough teaching day. I teach a class called AVID(Advancement via Individual Determination). It is a class meant to address kids in the middle, kids who would be first generation college students, kids who need to develop the skills to go to college because they want to but don't have the resources to do it on their own. I work with my students on note taking, critical reading skills, working in tutorials, leadership skills, and advocacy skills. The program is a huge success in a lot of schools with most AVID students going to college and completing degrees. So you have an idea of what it means to some students I found this video some kids in CA made... Anyways, yesterday we got word that the high school our students go on to is dropping AVID--leaving the kids we have been working with for 2 years without a place. At the most critical point in their academic careers. So I was feeling pretty low about teaching and what I can do for kids last night, when my phone beeped. It was a text from a former student. I had coached her for 3 years in basketball and got to have her in class for a memorable 8th grade year. She was texting me for advice on college and life and making decisions. I didn't have any answers for her, I could just tell her what I thought and that really life is about not knowing what was going to happen and doing it anyway. I haven't had this young lady in class for almost 5 years and here she was reaching out to me. Now this is a special young woman. I used to pour a ton of energy into my teaching and relationships with my students. The girls I coached became my surrogate daughters for awhile. We laughed and cried together, experienced a lot of highs and some lows. They taught me a lot about myself and how to be a good teacher. Now a lot of my energy goes into my own family and not my relatiosnhips with students. I am still a good teacher, I still are for my students but it isn't the same as those years in Denver(and that's OK there is only so much of me to go around).

All of a sudden it made sense. This is why I love my job, this is why I do what I do. Love you Layla--thanks for giving me a reminder of the impact I have had.

2010

One of my favorite years so far:

JANUARY: A few days before January we announced our big news! I had the blog redesigned and posted about this book--one of my favorites of the year.
FEBRUARY: Made some Valentine's crafts, and hosted a Lost Season premier party! We also found out that Baby Byrd was a girl!
MARCH: Wrote this brain dump about all that was going on with me. And read a lot, took a spring break trip to Vegas at the last minute to visit my sister who was also there, and tried to survive the cold that seemed to stick around forever here in Western CO.
APRIL: Found my inspiration for Elle's nursery and the perfect birth announcement. My mother in law threw me a great baby shower.
MAY: Finished the school year, had another great baby shower thrown by my friends and sister, finished the nursery--of course we then decided to move as well. Had another triage visit, and basically had to take it easy which meant I missed field trips and some fun stuff with my students.
JUNE: Read a lot, went to a great week long class in Denver, crafted my heart out (1, 2,3) and wished my parents a happy 35th Anniversary and celebrated 2 years with my wonderful husband!
JULY: Elle was born! And we survived and thrived during some challenges!
AUGUST: Learned to be a mommy!
SEPTEMBER: Adjusted to maternity leave when all my visitors left and Kevin went back to work. Found a play group and made some new friends, and missed school more than I expected.
OCTOBER: Starting to learn how to digital scrapbook, prepared to go back to work, visited a pumpkin patch and dressed Elle up as a sweet pea
NOVEMBER:Started(but never finished) the 30 Day Blog Challenge and went to Moab, UT for Thanksgiving!
DECEMBER: Elle met Santa Claus, I finished my first quarter back at work, and we went to CA for the break!! Christmas was so much more meaningful with the Elle Belle in our lives!

2009 in review and looking ahead to 2010

I am up early on New Year's Day mostly because I went to sleep at 7 pm on New Year's Eve--a side benefit of being pregnant and traveling all day. All in all this year was pretty great. I finished my first year of teaching at a new school and felt pretty good about it. I won a technology grant and was able to buy a bunch of tech related stuff and training for me and some colleagues. Now I am in another grant and waiting for some more stuff to be delivered. I feel more a part of my school, which is a great feeling. We went to Jamaica for our honeymoon, which was amazing and wonderful. We settled more into our new town and new friends. And of course we got pregnant.

Up next, planning for Baby D, finding room in our little apartment for the 3 of us, and planning maternity leave at the beginning of the year. Personally I want to be more organized at home(I tend to practice the drop it method when I get home) and read more non-fiction. And have fun with my husband!!